The Demise of Free Time: Follow-Up

I got some tough feedback from my wife on yesterday’s post. She said she liked the points I was making but thought it came across a bit too angry. She’s probably right. As parents with older children who are often frustrated by the lack of availability in our friends, there’s probably a bit of resentment brewing right below the surface which came out yesterday. So… a few points of clarification:

Contrary to popular belief among some of my friends, I actually like kids and I think parenting is great. I am not a disinterested parent or a less-than-enthusiastic parent, but I also believe parenting isn’t everything. True, some would say it is the most important thing we can do with our lives and I’m not disagreeing with people who feel that way, but even if it is, there’s got to be more. You’ve got to have a life that doesn’t revolve around play dates and t-ball games. Kids used to entertain themselves for entire days with no help from mom and dad and they usually turned out just fine. Some of my greatest childhood memories are of fun I had under my own direction.

I’m also not suggesting we constantly leave our kids in the care of babysitters , though in my opinion smart parents will keep one on speed dial. The main point of my post yesterday was really that spouses should support each other in making sure each has some ‘me’ time. That means taking sole responsibility for the kids at least a few nights per month and maybe 4-5 weekends per year. Wives should be able to go get a manicure. Husbands should be able to go golfing with their friends. Wives should be able to go shopping with their mothers. Husbands should not have to feel guilty about an afternoon tinkering in the garage.

The great thing about being married is that you go from being a solo act to part of a team. The thing I love best about my marriage is that my wife and I are a hell of a team. We support each other and we take care of each other. Last Saturday my wife was recovering from a week of little sleep and so I got the kids up early and we got out of the house for the morning. I got some quality time with my daughters, my wife got to sleep until noon in a quiet house and when we came home everyone was in a good mood. She does that kind of stuff for me all the time too.

So parents – let’s all remember that you wanted those kids. If they are running the show at your house, take back your life. You’ve earned, you deserve it and your kids will actually respect you for it.